Friday, October 8, 2010

The Milk Truck...

This would be my new least at this point. I decided to attempt to breastfeed Brynnleigh, fully anticipating a failure. Well I was run....she nurses like a champ, and I have milk. This is so different than my experience w/Owen. I nursed him exclusively while in the hospital, and by the time we got home, I was in so much pain and he was soo hungry that we went to formula. I tried to go back and do both, but he would never latch on. I pumped for 6-8 wks, but not enough to make it worth it. So this time, I thought for my conscience I would try...and when my milk didn't come in, I'd be okay to do formula. Boy was I wrong!!

First off, my milk has been in for at least 24 hours....and Brynnleigh can go from boob to bottle with no problem what so ever. So...what's the problem? I feel trapped, and I feel like I'm neglecting Owen as much as I'm helping Brynnleigh. I'm constantly nursing, or putting something on my nipples, and Owen has to wait or I have him running around picking things up for me while I'm nursing. Troy wants to help, especially now while he's home for 2 weeks, and he really can't.

I want to breastfeed for the following reasons:

1 - Benefits to Brynnleigh
2- Benefits to me (can we say weight loss!!)
3 - Easy on the go & cost effective

Reasons I don't want to breasfeed:
1 - it hurts like hell
2- I feel like I'm neglecting Owen
3 - Troy can't help/bond w/Brynnleigh
4 - Not much of a money saver when we are going through multple diapers a feeding
5 - I'm a slave to the clock
6 - I really don't want to pull my boobs out in public
7 - I'm not sure it's a good decision for Owen to constantly see my boobs, especially since he was talking to my boobs instead of me tonight....that shouldn't start until he's 16 right?

So what am I going to do?? I don't know. I want to try and stick it out and see if I can make it through the pain.....but as I'm saying that...I'm sitting in the family room w/my boobs hanging out because it hurts for anything to touch them. I guess I'll take it one feeding at a time. I've already decided that we will give her formula at her next feeding (normally we do the midnight/early morning feeding w/formula) and if she needs to eat during O's soccer game tomorrow I will probably do formula as well. But beyond that, I don't know. I feel like it's a no win situation, and once I make the decision to stop, I can't go back. I don't want to regret my decision.

I know formula fed babies are fine, healthy, etc. I mean, Owen is one of those!! I could pump, but how would I know how much expressed breast milk to give her....and I still run the issue of my boobs always being out in front of Owen.

Why can't things be easier??

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